Jings, Crivens, help ma boab!
Meh bairn phoned is all in a tiz.
Says she got the affy swine flu
‘Yi need ti tak meh boys,’ cried she.
‘Eh right.  You’ve got to be taking the piss.’
‘No, mum, honest (haha). Ev tae be in quarantine.’
‘Jeezy peeps,’ eh muttered.
‘Keep yourself cosy.  Maybe hae a mug o Ovaltine.
Course eh’ll hae the boys and dinnae you worry.
You get yourself better but dae it in a hurry.’
Eh love them boys wi ah o meh heart
But when they do go to sleep,
They dinnae half fart.
They’re Granny Mo’s darlings called
James and Cory.
Dinnae dae a thing they’re telt
And drive me roond the bend.
But how are you, meh angel?
Are you near on the mend?!

Dedicated to my beautiful daughter, Kirsty, who caught the swine flu x