POEMS by Nina Bhadreshwar 1 KILLERWEIGHT written 1994, 10TH WATTS 1995 - self-explanatory



If I destroy myself

I still can't destroy my Self

If I love my Self

I still don't love myself

If I die to my Self

I truly free myself


You say Life will

Knock me off the ledge

Friend, I've already been there

And back and back and there

So many times I don't remember

Kraziness was saner

So I decided to stay there

If the upper strata of society

Has the mental capacity

To destroy humanity

Unjust laws, wars, greed

Police brutality

Then count me in with

The beggar, thief and imbecile

The very bottom of the human slaghill

Yes, I am the outcast

But I bet you I'll outlast

Any clever fool

From now til infinity


Was never my forte

The doctor said I was very naughty

Sick and mad,

Anorexic, psychopathically bad.

Gave me 6 months and a drip to live

But a cure he couldn't give

With nothing left to lose

Not a chance to stand

I walked out the door

Slipped through their hands.

The truth was the medicine

He should have fed me on

But I got that another way:

From the Bible, my conscience

And what the black man say.

I face facts and revelations -

Play sceptic with explanations.

Now the 5 stone is 9 stone freak

And she has learned truth to seek

I'm living and laughing

Giving and mastering

The weapon of love

In a 'black & white' world

There's no room for colour

But that's what I am

God-created not faded

Raised by a mother

Spirit in paradise

Body now dust

But this woman taught me

The Lord God to trust.

My heart is my story

It's not written on skin.

Stop staring at my face

And start staring within.

Learn to read a person right

Cuz Life's not printed in black and white.




It's raining blood

Not water today

The news tells me it's a state of emergency

The flood is rising

And the stars are falling

(But they don't report that)

The moon turned red

It's on

And on and on til the breakadawn

And it don't stop last night this morning

Pop-pop-pop-barokk!.44 shot

Using death like plastic

To buy another soul sealed in a bodybag casket

The blood calls too loud she screams too wild

I think they massacred the projects

Tell someone please but no,

Not even the police dare face the truth

Of an unwanted youth

And the reality of death, death in all of us

They say it's just them

Crazy niggaz making up a fuss.

I hear your wail, momma, I feel your sobs, homie

Is it blood or rain soaking under my front door?

The 'worthless 1 dollar'

Life leaves a void where a faceless

Bodiless bigger than life


Screams deeperlouder higher deeper

Waking the millionaire fat tycoon in his jumbo jet sleeper

The prisoner in his cell,

The dope fiend in his pleasureless hell,

The child from her slumber.

No, it was not a number

But a soul.

It was not all about getting paid or paying back,

Being down or not taking no slack

It was about saving your soul

You said this was hell

But now hell is a hole

Spiralling down down with no ground

Despair and destruction

Are the Real Gangsters of the Ghetto,

Ignorance the weapon,

And fear the dope.

Choke out knowledge,

Crush dreams and hope

Love God, love thy neighbor, love thyself

Change cuts deep to the heart

For unless we start soon

Twilight zone

Forever enters the dark.